The other day, Professor Mikhail Lyubansky (a scholar who actively challenges racism and who I have a lot of respect for) asked me my thoughts on the following video clip:
For those unable to view it, the clip shows a Black man explaining that “every 45 seconds, a Black man enters an elevator and some stupid White b*tch clutches her purse for dear life“. If there were pictures in the dictionary, this fella’s would go next to the “non-threatening” entry. However, I don’t doubt that he has experiences a whole lot of purse clutching in his day.
I had seen this while ago and told him that I thought it was spot on. While I don’t know what it feels like to be a Black man in that situation, I know how it feels to be a sister and have some simple White woman clutch her bag in an elevator, on a crowded street or in even in Whole Foods WHEN I HAD A CART FULL OF HUMMUS AND OTHER UPPITY PEOPLE FOOD! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME A BOUGIE BOHO WITH A CART FULL OF HUMMUS AND TOFU SNATCHED SOMEBODIES PURSE???And I can attest that those very words have gone through my head: “stupid b*tch”, “stupid White b*tch” and all sorts of variations on that phrase.
In fact, my senior year in college, I told a middle aged White purse clutcher “If I were the sort of person who snatched purses, I wouldn’t be robbing someone broke as you. I could probably buy you, stupid b*tch“. Now, we both know that last part is a lie (it’s still The Beautiful Struggler, not the Beautiful and Class Mobile…for now!), but I looked like I had more than she did. I had on a pretty dress, my face and hair were popping and I was full of Howard pride. How dare this woman treat me like I was some no count thief simply because I was Black?
The professor was surprised that I was okay with the B-word (you can check his Twitter stream for his response and thoughts: “I’m not trying to equate racism with sexism…or “bitch” with the n-word. Just exploring the complex dynamics of racism.”) and it set em to thinking about my use of the B-word, which is somewhat liberal but not excessive IMO. I don’t think calling some one a “b*tch” automatically implies sexism the way that a non-Black person calling someone the N-word does.
I think the b-word is one that we need to wield with caution. I don’t mistake female strength or aggression with being a b*tch, nor do I think it’s the appropriate utterance every time a woman does something wrong. I’ve called men ‘b*tches’ and women ‘assh*oles’ and it didn’t mean that the former was acting ‘like a woman’ or vice versa. When I watched that tape, I didn’t feel like the man was attempting to use patriarchy to reassume power or lash back at this woman. I felt like he called her the same word that I would have used in that situation.
The biggest problem with b*tch is that there is no universally accepted definition. It certainly CAN imply that the speaker has issues with women, but that isn’t always the case. For example, when someone uses it when they refer to a random group of women as b*tches, that’s not quite the same as “This b*tch has been smiling in my face and sleeping with my man for the past 5 months“. And, as Joan Morgan pointed out, it’s “extremely telling” when you have a group of people that use ‘b*tches’ when they mean woman/Black woman and ‘n*gga’ in lieu of man/Black man.
We have the same issue with n*gger too; some of us want it to go, others want it to be a term of endearment. However, the history of n*gger is very clear: it was widely accepted as a synonym for ‘Black person’ and had the ugliest of connotations. It wasn’t used to refer to a certain kind of Black person, it was ALL Black people. Where as b*tch has typically meant a woman with some sort of unseemly qualities. I just can’t co-sign the notion that it is the same for a Black man to call a woman a b*tch as it is for a White woman to call a Black man a n*gger.
As I was getting in my homegirl’s car last night, a driver who was zooming down the street at a red light hit the open door, only missing me by inches. She seemed to be high on something and got an attitude with me, stating the whole thing was somehow my fault. When my friend and I finally got ready to drive away, she looked at me and exclaimed “That stupid b*tch almost killed you!” What would she have said if the driver was a man? Perhaps ‘assh*le’ or ‘motherfu*cker’. But does that mean she has bias or hatred towards her own gender? I’m going with no. I mean…the b*tch almost killed me!
PS: It’s Black Weblog Awardstime! I would greatly appreciate some nominations, which are being submitted NOW! Please consider The Struggler when voting for Best Writing In A Blog, Blog Of The Year and/or Blog To Watch and, also, my Twitter pagefor “Best Microblog”. Thank you kindly!
Hey,
here’s a link to this video that talks about the b-word that a young filmmaker did where she interviewed me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XK3lVxVNrGM
I just had this discussion with some one a few weeks ago. They asked me if I called my best friends “b*tches” and I said of course…I am quick to say “B call me back!” on her answering machine. It has become a term on endearment. Somewhat similar to how black people have embraced “n!gga”. And you know what we say “it’s HOW you say it.” I don’t have a problem with the term. I don’t mind when my friends call me that. Everyone is my b!tches.
I’m a big fan of the word bitch. I get called a bitch in the blogsphere, and in real life, too, by friends and foes alike, and I’m okay with that.
I’ve been replacing n*gga with “spook.” It has that old, racist, clint eastwood feel to it…
I’m just taking it back from The Man.
Carry on
Great post! I also subscribe to the theory that “b*tch” doesn’t necessarily mean a woman whom I look down upon. Sometimes the word is out of anger…and hell, even calling a man one doesn’t necessarily mean he’s acting like a woman…it means he’s being b*tchy. Which is NOT a quality only women share. And to think so is way more insulting to women, than me calling a man a B.
And sure, me thinking this way doesn’t make it so, but we should all agree that it is a complex word. One that is used for many instances. Hell, we call inanimated objects a “b*tch.” I do agree it’s a word to use with caution. Because while I can be frivolous with the word, I make sure to respect other’s wishes in terms of not being called it because hey, I understand…not everyone can call me that either.
I use the word “bitch” moderately and it’s not necessarily a gender-biased term for me. Hey, anybody can get it…but then again, I do use the word “nigga” when referring to people of other races so maybe that’s just me.
I feel context is the most important thing to consider when looking at these types of words. I know some (very few, but some nonetheless) women who feel empowered by the word, some who use it as a term of endearment (even putting a different spelling to it), and some who don’t like the word at all. To each his/her own. One can or should be able to tell when someone is using a term to be blatantly malicious or disrespectful so intent plays a part as well.
hey toldja, can you speak briefly as to why you don’t want to write these words out? i’ve always been puzzled by it and would love to hear what you think.
i’ve opted out of using the word bitch, since i think there’s something sort of exploitative in general and also about the way the gay community uses it. sometimes i hear myself thinking it in my head and i get frustrated with myself, but when it comes to cussing people out i’d rather call them an asshole. everyone’s got an asshole.
Dave: Profanity can trigger inappropriate content filters at people’s jobs, so I’ve started typing curse words this way in order to keep the site from getting blocked in the workplace.
B!tch is an insult and should be treated as such. If someone does something that warrant them to be insulted, then in my opinion B!tch is part of the lexicon. I don’t use n!gga, because the term is not relevant to me… so the whole endearment thing about it, I don’t get… just like I don’t think of the word b!tch as a term of endearment either… So yes I agree: “That b!tch almost killed you!” and no I have no bias against my own gender… I have a huge bias against stupid a-holes (like the b!tch clutching her friggin’ purse)
My fiance’ uses the word incessantly and calls EVERY woman bitch. He refers to women in stories as bitches. He points to women and says bitches. He says things like “you bitches”. Woman=bitch to him. In conversation that is. He doesn’t have a problem with women though. He loves and respects women and has great relationships with strong, smart women. I have asked him to replace the word in his vocabulary because we our expecting our first child in September (a girl) and I don’t want her to think that is acceptable language or a description of who she is. We’ll see if he can let it go. It’s starting to make me cringe. Great post!
bitch is certainly not a word i throw around lightly. i don’t call my girls, “my bitches,” i don’t prance around & call other women bitches.
them are fighting words.
if you get me to the point where i SAY it…there’s a problem that you might want to hurry up and resolve (re: apologize for).
oh..and i use the word in reference to men as well. i’m equal opportunity with it.
The word b*tch is an insult. It started as an insult to women who fell outside of the bounds of acceptable behavior, and then was later applied to women who fell outside of the bounds of acceptable behavior period. Acceptable behavior for women has always been defined by men who want the women to be subservient and amenable to the pleasures and desires of men. If a woman stood up for herself, spoke up for herself, decided to be different from the constrictive ideas of her day (or just the men around her) she was a b*tch.
B*tch is a word I removed out of my vocabulary because, while it doesn’t have the same history as the n-word, it does have a negative history. There are plenty of words to insult someone without using one, most commonly associated with women, that connotes being unpleasant, difficult, hard, or sexually loose.
Absolutely not. Not for play, not in an argument, not EVER. And a man who refers to me as a bitch – for any reason – gets one chance to rectify the situation before he is dismissed by me forever.
(And ironically, if there is a bitch in this flick, it’s the man, not the woman. “WAH WAH SHE HURT MY WIDDLE FEE-WINGS!” I miss this woman would be dismissed as the idiot she is and that would be the end of that. You’d go home, rag on her with your friends, trade stories and jokes, and then everybody would go get a burger and that would be it. But I’m beginning to notice a disturbing pattern: people tend to dismiss blatant wrongs when it’s against people we don’t like, be it sexism (white women suck!), homophobia (Tyler Perry sucks) or even racism (that jaywalker totally deserved to be punched in the face by a cop!).
In this post, you have addressed comparisons between bitch and nigga/er, and why you don’t see a black man calling a woman a bitch as comparable to a white woman calling a black man a nigger (agreed.), but how do you feel about men referring to women as bitches in general? Meaning, white and/or non-white women, women who haven’t done anything to warrant an insult, or people who use “bitch” in place of “woman” in general conversation?
I suppose that’s really a rhetorical question leading into the reason I try to avoid using the term (emphasis on try -lol).
I find the word bitch offensive and very anti-woman. This may be because of the many times I’ve heard men use it flippantly to describe their girlfriends, even WIVES, all women (“Bitches always say…”), family members, women on the street, women of a certain gender (Black bitches always wanna…), teen girls, etc.
I particularly disagree with the section of your post where you say, “the history of n*gger is very clear: it was widely accepted as a synonym for ‘Black person’ and had the ugliest of connotations. It wasn’t used to refer to a certain kind of Black person, it was ALL Black people. Where as b*tch has typically meant a woman with some sort of unseemly qualities.”
That has not been my experience with the word bitch. Or, rather, perhaps the word has two uses: the negative connotation usage and the synonym-for-woman/en usage. I frequently have heard it used to refer to all women, usually from a male standpoint, or to refer to a particular woman who has displayed no unseemly qualities.
All that to say, to each his own. You use it, and it is your word to use. I personally use the dreaded n-word, and resent the NAACP for attempting to make a decision regarding its usage for all black people en masse. I just try to limit my b-word usage so that I don’t feel hypocritical judging men who use it to refer to all women.
(sorry about the novel I’ve written)
-Mel (@MelSpeaks) 1st time commenter! Woohoo!
Long time lurker here and unfortunately the post that draws me out is one that I vehemently disagree with. I think the word b*tch is very anti-woman and using it flippantly only give license to other people to use it.
You stated that b*tch has been used to describe a woman with unseemly qualities. In my experience, calling a man a b*tch is an extremely derogative comment meant to signify that the man is non only less than a man, he is a female, and one with unseemly “womanly” qualities at that – like being emotional, or whining, or not taking care of “man” shit. It’s very heteronormative and I find it interesting at best, disappointing at the least, that you find it cool to use the word.
A**hole or motherf*cker might not have the same oomph that b*tch has but that’s probably for a reason. Because b*tch has a definite feminine spin to it that adds that extra insult – not only is she an a**, she’s a woman on top of it – that deserves a specific word.
I hope you reconsider your use but glad to see that you are at least thinking about it – which is more than most people are willing to do
re: Not spelling out words like b!tch … thanks for the explanation. I’ve encountered folks (and um the New York Times and other big forums) who choose not to spell-out or even say sometimes the words which they are trying to say are offensive, and it can get sort of weird. And I wasn’t sure if that’s what you were doing, but FWIW I’m glad you’re not.
Great post though. Pretty cool that you got linked by Psychology Today too. (You probably saw it but just in case: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/between-the-lines/201007/racism-in-the-elevator-misogyny-in-the-video-production-room)
It’s a matter of context. Most often when I use the word for any gender, it means someone who’s trifling, flippant, and obnoxious. A lot of times, it refers to a situation. Example: “Man, they’re raising bus fares AGAIN. Whatta b!tch!”
I do acknowledge, though, that it’s a major problem for many women and I don’t grudge them their grudge or use the word around them. It’s when it turns into b!tchy PC prohibition that I roll my eyes and take the nonreactionary approach.
And finally- shame for shopping at WF! They treat their employees terribly, esp where health care goes. tsk-tsk