June 25th, 2009: I sat at my desk at work in front of my computer for two hours, switching back and forth between Twitter and CNN upon hearing the news that Michael Jackson was in cardiac arrest. About an hour in to the drama, this little gossip site called TMZ switched the story from “Michael’s in the hospital” to “Michael Jackson R.I.P: 1958-2009″. Who is this little raggedy stepchild of real news and how dare they go spreading rumors like that at a time like this? I e-fussed at people who Tweeted their sorrow; Micheal wasn’t dead and how dare they be so quick to believe he was and shame on them for believing something that wasn’t even on CNN. Now, when did people start believign that CNN was the most credible go-to for news, I can’t tell you. But I do know that Michael was alive to me until that network said otherwise.
ABC was the second to go along with TMZ (Man, forget ABC! Y’all stopped being relevant when Jaleel White’s voice changed). Then it was the LA Times ( I don’t live in LA and thus, I don’t know y’all like that. Stop playing with real news!) and then a whole bunch of similarly wrong and insignificant news outlets. Meanwhile, I was calling my closest family and friends, frustrated that so many of them were busy working. Who could work when Michael Jackson was fighting TMZ for his life? I’ve been working since I was 12 and I haven’t yet had a job that meant as much to me as this man. I needed everyone everywhere to put everything on hold and send their good vibrations to the King of Pop.
Finally, Cable News Network confirmed what I had known for at least 60 minutes and refused to believe. Michael Jackson, dead at 50. I cried at my desk and watched his videos until it was time to go home. Then I put on a black dress, went out and cried some more.
I mourned Michael in a way not so differently than I have real life friends and family who’ve passed on. Like a lot of us, I knew I loved the man, but I didn’t realize how much until he was gone. No other celebrity’s passing had set any sort of precedent for how I was supposed to process and proceed. I’d imagine that B.I.G and especially 2Pac’s deaths had touched folks in their age brackets in a similiar way. But as they were both gifted with such brief visits to this planet, those same fans would have had Michael’s presense their entire lives, versus about 6 years with ‘Pac and 4 with Biggie. No death could be like Michael’s, because no life had been like Michael’s.
There is so much interesting cultural commentary that can be culled from Michael’s life, his death and his legacy. However, I’m not the one who’s gonna make those observations. At least not right now. My views on Michael are very much emotional. I’m too focused on my attachment to him as one of my first crushes and one of my favoritest people I ever did see to have an intellectual interest in him yet. I just wanna love him.
All the bad, hurtful and outright odd stuff to emerge in the news in the months to come was of no consequence to the shrine to MJ I’ve erected inside. I won’t pretend that he was perfect or healthy or even completely sane. But I’ll always focus on the Michael who was a peerless genius of song and dance and a friend to both humanity and the planet, instead of the Michael who did some weird stuff that keep his name in the tabloids. We’ve seen how fame on a far smaller scale has damaged the psyches of many a celebrity; who could possibly emerge unscathed from the circus that was this man’s life from the moment his daddy realized he could sing and dance?
(The line that has always stuck out for me: “I began to take the long way home/just so I could be alone…” Do you realize this man lived 50 years on this earth and probably never once had the opportunity to do that?)
I think it’s odd that the week leading up to this dark anniversary has become the time to celebrate Michael’s life. However, this is only our first year without his earthly presence. I hope that the time surrounding his birthday in August is just as full with MJ programming and partying. Shoot, we should go on and mark March 25th on the calendar and celebrate the first time the world saw this:
I can look at Michael now and smile (though I did have a weepy “F*ck, Michael Jackson really is dead” moment on the bus just two months ago, but I’m pretty sure PMS played a part). I can even again admit that I hate “Ben” and “Gone Too Soon” (both have always been too sad for me to enjoy anyway and the latter is now associated with a friend’s funeral, so I really never want to hear it again). There’s a part of me that will continue to mourn MJ for quite some time, but the feeling of joy I get at remembering his life has finally overtaken the sadness that accompanied his death. And while I know for some of you, the intensity of either feeling probably sounds batsh!t crazy. And perhaps it is. But I don’t care. This is Michael Jackson we’re talking about here.
Folks under 40 don’t know a world without Michael Jackson’s presence. His music has always been there for us and the beauty of recorded media is that it will continue to be there for generations of people who will never know the excitement of seeing a new MJ video or live performance. I don’t think there have been many days in my adult life in which I didn’t hear at least one of his tunes and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. What’s your favorite image of Michael? I like to remember the smile he had here:
(BTW-This video came out in 1980. A lot of you new cats need to step your video game all the way up.)
My initial post about Michael’s passing was rather pithy (though I think I did a slightly better job capturing my feelings a few days later). I stayed out the night that he passed drinking and trying to laugh with Sir Fabulous at the fact that I was actually crying and wearing a black dress for someone who I didn’t know in real life. I do, however, feel I summed up my feelings in the closing to that piece and I will repeat them again today:
We are mournful, but we celebrate. Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim! With the glory of the creator, Michael, you lived and breathed beautiful music. And so we will love you forever and always.
Great Tribute & Post….as always
Bravo…thank you for the wonderful words about Michael. I believe I went through the same emotions this day last year. I couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. When it was confirmed, I pulled out a book of poems by Michael and cried all night. While looking at the book, I realized, when I was 12 reading this book, trying to find my “official” signature, I adopted the M from his signature as my own. Today my legal signature contains his M…I had forgotten all about it. The imprint he has left on my life is unbelievable and covers so many different aspects of my life. I miss him terribly, it is such a loss for all of us, both emotionally and culturally.
Thanks girl for writing this!
Awesome article. I think you captured exactly what alot of people are feeling, even down to the songs. “Gone Too Soon” rips my inner thug out and talks about its mom. Another song that has recently been receiving alot of play on my ipod is “One Day in Your Life”. As you know, I’m a huge MJ fan and think that I can find a reason to celebrate his life and legacy everyday.
(Light up your face with gladness…..Hide every trace of sadness)
Great post Sis!
Dear MJ~ I never dreamed you’d leave in summer. Love K
Thank you!
OMG I watched that Motown 25 Special at least five times in a row. THANK YOU.
And can I say Mama Katherine has some SKRONG (yes, skrong) genes, ’cause I saw Janet, Rebbie, and Mama Katherine all up in his face while he was dancing.
Wow.
Awesome post!
I cannot believe it’s been a year.
The funny thing is MJ’s look changed so much that we all have a different image. When I think Michael I think “Bad” Album Cover. The actual LP that my dad played all the time for me and my sister. I weep for those these children who consider Young Money artistry. Verklempt…
I share your sentiments. I cried the remainder of the day after CNN verified he had passed. I pretty much cried the entire weekend! Sobbed as if a relative had died. In fact, I cried less when some relatives had died. It was like a piece of my life that I didn’t know I needed to feel life was real was gone. I grew up that day, I realized I was no longer a child, and that things must and do change. MJ was a constant in our lives and then just like that he ceased to exist. After a year it’s still unreal, but like you I am now celebrating his life. I am thankful that after 50 years, many of them likely unbearable, he is finally at peace. That I can’t be upset about…
A year flew by and it still brings a sick feeling to myself and many others. R.I.P. to the King of Entertainment.
My thoughts exactly,
Thanks for these words. I had pretty much same emotions. I still say damn that TMZ though!
I’m sorry. Maybe I’m too old (and I don’t listen to pop music anyway) but I didn’t get him, never cared for his music and don’t understand what all this fuss was about him. And oh yeah, he was WAAAAAAAAY too effeminite for me. He was at the beginning of what I see as the growing and creepy “feminization” of black men. just when exactly did black men starting getting their balls cut off?
I’m positive that AlexG wrote that in order to get some sort of rise, but I couldn’t help but respond. So, as an avid fan of MJs music but also a member of the adult black male population, I find it interesting that someone would want to take the time out to blame MJ for the “feminization” of the black man. I think that’s a stretch. If you or anyone else searched within the arts for the ideal of what masculinity is (and based your comments I’m assuming its akin to either being a lumberjack or a hustler of some sort) you were searching within the wrong industry. I think that the fact that this is still a conversation to be had is part of everything that’s wrong with our race. Anything that doesn’t perfectly fit a role is unacceptable. I listened this morning as people made fun of C Brown for crying on stage and how too many black men are filmed crying nowadays. Is this a dialog in other communities? Damn, why couldn’t you allow MJ to be Great in one post?
Nygma- *DEAD* at “lumberjack”. And I agree, I find this suggestion that MJ somehow introduced the “feminization” of the Black man to just be absurd.
Something that Marc Lamont Hill said at the Black Privlege discussion few weeks ago really stuck out to me; it isn’t that men are less emotional than women, but that the ways in which they express their emotions tend to be quite different. One of those ways is through violence. I’ll say I’d much rather see Chris Brown be emotional the way he was last night than he was on Grammy night two years ago.
Not that MJ introduced the “feminization” of black man but that certainly he started making it more acceptable to society and in particular to black women at large. Like black men wearing earrings for example. Turns my stomach when I see that. When did that become acceptable? WOMEN wear earrings, not men. If that make an old fashioned neantherdal stuck in the past, then so be it.
Beautifully written. I actually feel the same way. . . even now, a year later I am hit with the reality that Michael Jackson is gone. . .
In the end, Michael is gone. What Michael represented was that Blacks can be just as good as whites! He broke so many Records it was UNREAL! Michael was not perfect, who is? Are any of you? No! Mike was the victim of White supermacy. Black is right white is wrong, ACROSS THE BOARD. WHITE IS INTELLIGENT, BLACK IS IGNORANT ACROSS THE BOARD. SLAVERY AND SEGREGATION AND DEHUMANIZATION DOES A LOT TO THE PSYCHE!
CHRIS BROWN: TO HIT A WOMAN IS WRONG BUT MANY OF YOU WON’T ADMIT TO LIKING BAD BOYS AND BEING EVIL AND ABUSIVE YOUR SELVES WE KNOW MEN HAVE FAULTS THE QUESTION IS: WHAT ABOUT YOU? THAT MANY OF YOU WOMEN WON’T ANSWER TO YOU ARE IN A STATE OF DENIAL.