Note: “Enemies of the Great” will put the spotlight on people, writings and ideas that are at odds with the beliefs and mission of The Beautiful Struggler. Sexists, bigots, homophobes and wack units of all sorts will be aired out here. Since I don’t want to be the sister with only bad things to say about our brothers, I’ll be highlighting some better ones this week as well.
If you follow me on Twitter, you may have observed a brief back and forth I had recently with author Jimi Izreal. I am no fan of his. From what I had read by and about him up until recently, I was rather convinced that he was your run-of-the-mill sexist “culture” brother. One of those cats who’s got this deep reverence for Black struggle and art, but is about one notch up from Too Shortwhen it comes to dealing with the womenfolk. When I learned that Izreal had recently published a book called “The Denzel Principle: Why Black Women Can’t Find Good Black Men” (emphasis his), I was not pleased. When I did a bit more research and read a couple of reviews, I hit the roof. It seemed that this man was about as qualified to tell Black women why they couldn’t find “Good Black Men” as Sarah Palin is to run a country. I, and a few other disgusted sisters, had a Twitter conversation about Izreal and the book. To be fair, only one of us had read it so far. The next morning, Izreal (after obviously discovering the conversation about him) descided to try and defend himself. It was not what most publicists would have wanted to see: their author totally floundering against a relative unknown. If you look at the Twitter page for the book, it’s mostly just Izreal (and an assistant) saying awful things to and about Black women. Much like the book itself.
While I remained confident that I spoke fairly about Izreal’s book, I decided that I would just go on and read it so that I could make a totally informed opinion about it. A few people asked me why I would even give him the time and energy. In a moment that is dominated by frustrations and questions about Black women, our marriageablity and our relationship to our men, people in and outside of the community are seeking answers. I would like to inform anyone who may consider purchasing this book that this isn’t respectfully submitted advice for sisters from a concerned brother. This is a seemingly disturbed, misinformed man spewing bitterness and misogyny to the women of his race. I’m not a ‘hit dog hollering’, I am a concerned feminist who doesn’t want people, Black or otherwise, to think this crap is acceptable.
If you aren’t in the mood to be completely disgusted by passages from this pathetically crafted tome of pure, unadulturated sexism and delusional nonsense, feel free to just take the one line review:
THIS IS THE WORST F*CKING BOOK I HAVE EVER READ.
The book opens with Jimi watching his soon-to-be second ex-wife and her new boyfriend packing up her things as she leaves him. Izreal’s sexism starts subtly peeking through his lushly crafted words even on the second page:
If you are a woman, you are looking for that elusive “happily ever after”. If you are a man, chances are good you’re like me-a gentleman, and every gentleman wants to make his girlfriend and honest woman. Getting the milk for free…is overrated: real men take a chance on love…This analogy fails, of course, when the cow serves you walking papers. Then you got no cow, no milk and no clue.
Wow, Jimi. Way to make your personal experience the common, defining experience of men in marriages. Notice please, the anti-female tone here. It is implied that women are somehow wrong for searching for this hard-to-capture fairy tale ending. Where as men, most of whom are gentlemen (oh, really?) like Jimi (oh, WORD? BWAHAHAHAHA. No.), are also seeking this tidy, storybook life. But when the princess packs her bags and leaves, it seems that the
Good grief. And that’s only on page 2.
Izreal describes the trauma of both watching his parents divorce and experiencing it twice on his own. While he is commendably raw and honest about his own pain, it seems that his great mistake here is using his experiences to pen a “here’s what women NEED to do” book. I think an autobiography may have been a more effective way for him to vent his ideas, but who am I to tell a woman-hating dickhead not to tell women what to do? Ah, that’s right- I’m Jamilah Lemieux. (Not hiding behind a “clever name”, Jimi. And I read your book. And it’s f*cking awful. Now what you got? )
The foolywang continues: “There are no guarantees and, as the real pimps say in the street, “bitches come leavin’.” I know-that’s kinda raw. Me? I never wanted to be that cynical. Yet, here I am.”
THE BOOK SHOULD HAVE STOPPED RIGHT THERE. He isn’t speaking of past cynicism. He’s talking about right now. His stasis at the time of writing this. He’s admittedly “bitter” (“…all in, who wouldn’t be bitter?”) and he’s talking about pimps on the corner and what they say about bitches. And he wants to tell US why WE can’t find a “Good Black Man”? DO NOT WANT. CANNOT COMPUTE. PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY YOUR CALL LATER. PERHAPS AFTER SOME THERAPY.
One of the constant charges leveled against Blacks, women or any group of people that speaks out against any maltreatment is that of wallowing in victimhood. While I am typically against using any negative connotation of the word victim (who are we to deny someone the right to hurt when that hurt is valid?), I must say that Izreal has done an astounding job at making himself out to be just that. Black women, you see, have destroyed Jimi Izreal. They have left him broken and lonely and staring at young lovers in the mall, as he mourns the many duckets he wasted on Coach bags for his ungreatful ex. Black women destroyed Jimi Izreal. And apparently, writing this book was his sweet revenge. It’s not just the Black women he’s dealt with who Jimi is angry with; he’s mad at Oprah for ruining his marriage and Black feminists for ruining the Black family.
I’m all for subversive humor and a good, raunchy joke. But when you have decided to write a book about why Black women “can’t” land a good Black man such as yourself, then you may want to be a little wiser in choosing how you joke. Describing how your love for your ex-wife’s young son compelled you to marry her ( a tender, if not admittedly misguided act) and describing her as “this bitch (who) was lazy like a dead rat” makes it totally impossible to take anything this man says seriously.
This was my fault, this time…I’m not a great judge of character. I take people how they come and pray the do the same.
Love wasn’t good to any part of me…not the part I have to Leslie…quietly, this part has become ripe with gangrene and rot:this part wants those years back. This part wants to wrastle that bitch to the ground and take back that diamond ring.
Now, for all this contempt for Denzel (not the real one, the one Izreal creepily has in his head), you’d think that Leslie had left him for Mr. Perfect, right? Not at all. Her new boyfriend was a Job Corps graduate/poet with “a piece of job working for the cable company.” She left Jimi soon after completing a degree program that he had paid for. Understandibly, he feels that she played him for tuiton money and left when she was done. This doesn’t seem impossible; Jimi sounds so miserable, I can’t imagine someone marrying him for his personality. While I’m sure he can tell a swell joke or two, I doubt this sexism just waited until AFTER marriage number 2 to emerge. That said, if his wife suffered him only to get her bills paid, it was a wack thing to do on her part. I don’t encourage women to use men for anything. But I also can’t imagine how the man who wrote this book could get any woman of any race unless she was using him for something. Or perhaps if she were a deaf mute who couldn’t read.
I made bad choices, it’s not like my environs were briming with eligible women. By the time I was of a mind to start looking for a wife,the women I hooked up with were the catches of the day in the dating pools I swam in, which isn’t saying a lot…most of the women seemed to share the same attitudes. They were all similarly afflicted and didn’t know how to be happy. They wanted a perfect man…Well, I sure as hell am not perfect and as soon as I stopped trying, I’d get the classic “It’s not you, it’s me” send-off…
Women are looking for men to turn in to something between a girlfriend and a lapdog. Some of them don’t know that, but they expect you to know. Especially Black women. They want Prince Charming, Mr. Right or Sir Fucking Lancelot. Some women are drawn not to real men, but to the idea of the ideal man, to watered down Denzel Washington types who are long on charm and short on manliness.
Oh God. And it gets so.much.worse.
(Washington’s) paradigmatic charisma is that the characters he plays…exude a maleness that begs to be captured and tamed. His on screen macho seems seasoned with just enough of the kind of softness that makes women think he may suddenly call in off patrol, lock up his gun, tie on an apron, wash the dishes and cook up a casserole. (Insert a hateful depiction of Washington performing oral sex on the woman having this fantasy. I can’t even bring myself to type it here. It’s VULGAR.)…it’s the kind of wishy-washy fantastical reworking of manhood that women embrace.
If Denzel Washington turns up dead somewhere, I’d search Jimi Izreal’s crib first. Dude has an unhealty amount of both resentment and admiration for the Denzel he has crafted in his head. Izreal cites the many books lamenting the state of Black men (he does not name any of them, not nary a one) and complains that while both Black and White women are guilty of focusing too much on entertainers as “objects of affection…you won’t find books lamenting the state of white men , postulating about formulas and methodologies in an attempt to ostenibly refurbish and reform an entire race of men”. This is incredibly flawed observation. For one, as he hasn’t cited ANY one book about by a Black woman on this subject. When I look at the three books in my possestion on this subject, all are by males. Furthermore, as the White male has not been subjected to centuries of opression and abuse, it should come as no surprised that he (still thriving off White supremacist patriatchy) wouldn’t be subject to the same sort of analysis.
The most despicable anecdote in the book (there were so many, it was really hard to choose a winner) has to be when Izreal describes the fall out that occurs when some of his 4th grade female classmates start selling kisses and gropes for candy money after watching Joanie do something similar on Happy Days:
The girls were ecstatic, sitting in the schoolyard all smiles and happiness, imagining all the dolls and candy they could buy. Big John, who’d been left back a few grades, burst their bubble. “Y’all ain’t nothin’ but a bunch of hoes. How much for some coochie?”
All the boys howled with laughter. The girls?…They cried, and wailed, not sure what they’d been called, but sure it was nothing nice.
The same goon makes the girls cry once again when the teacher attempts to explain prostitution to the young class. Surely adult Jimi can summon up a little sympathy for his former classmates, right?
…days went on. And the girls came back to class and we never spoke of it again. But you have to know, the girls were changed forever. They didn’t raise their heads or laugh out loud anymore. Not in the same way…no, none of us lost any innocence that day. When you’re poor and black in this country, you grow up quick…Better to learn (at school), where it’s safe than wait till the wrong cat with the wrong rap made the right offer and turned one of the moffets out. Harsh? Yeah. Life can be like that.
He has a daughter, y’all. And he’s retroactively slut-shaming 4th grade girls. I was pained to read that story, he told it so vividly. Happy little girls doing something silly and inappropriate that they saw on TV, only to get their first introduction to sexism. If it’s not totally clear by now why this man sickens my soul, come back tomorrow for a BRIEF look at the actual suggestions for Black women that the skirt wearing, White woman dating Izreal has to offer.
Yes. He wears a skirt. I didn’t make that up.
Off Topic: There were New Kids on the Block books??
On Topic: I used to read The Root and I remember avoiding reading any of Jimi Izreal’s writing cause it was obvious he had problems with women. I can’t wait to read the second part of this about his “suggestions” for black women.
He wears a skirt?! I mean, i’m all for gender nonconformity so whatever floats his boat…..but I would love to know his reasons for wearing skirts. You don’t see too many straight black men admitting to wearing skirts
Thanks for biting the bullet and reading this, because I’m not sure that I could. This type of vileness couched as advice to black women infuriates me to no end.
Honestly, reading your post makes me want to read his book just to see… lol
Here’s a sort of not related question: What would be the most productive way one could voice opinions on perceived shortcomings of another gender or is that always a silly thought in the first place?
Does it have something to do with an overuse of suggesting individual introspection? I’m trying to understand the motif of your reactions. Are there really people (males and non-blacks) running around all trying to convince black women that they are the problem when it comes to love/relationships/black condition in general? If so, that would be mad harsh…
Oh Jimi has written a wonderful tome on black women and their issues and why they should accept less…. Some nutjob is going to read this and justify their bad reactions/relationships to bw with it. How wonderful. Really, I never understand how men – bm can talk about women like this and think that they are HONESTLY respecting on a daily basis their mother, daughters, aunts, wives etc. That is a mental trick I do not get. Anyhoo, I am fascinated by the recent interest on behalf of black men to correct women, informing us of how to date & blah, blah, blah. I do hope that most bw understand that this new way of being is skewed towards making men happy and assist women with the idea of settling. I am wondering when Mr. Izreal and others of his ilk will address the rampant issues with bm in relationships and life in general? Perhaps the answer is never? It is easy to go en masse after those you view as vulnerable (bw) is it not? This tactic of going after women instead of dealing with their on issues, their own hang ups, their own battles is getting old. Just plain old, cowardly… and sad. Men confront men, they don’t go hard after women like this. Too bad Jimi and the rest of the men folks who participate in this activity don’t know that. I hope you clear your brain of the bs he wrote quickly. It has not earned that kind of space in your head.
I find it interesting when Black men talk about Black women not being able to find and keep a “good black man”. These statements suggest two things: (1) the the man or men in question are without flaw and (2) women should accept standards that do not compliment their values.
I have had a brotha tell me I was crazy to pass him up because he was a “good black man”. His definition of “good” rested on the fact that he was employed. Never mind the fact that he has 3 children that he does not take care of (one who was only a few years older than me), a drug habit that he falls in and out of when he gets stressed, and creepy fetish for ladies boots (which is not my thing).
Men who make these comments seem allergic to any type of self analysis or examination. Instead, they continue to place blame on women who see in them what they refuse to see in themselves.
Thanks for taking one for the team, I was not going to read it but someone had to. I guess we should anticipate Steve Harvey using this as a source for his keynote speech at this year’s Black Woman’s Expo.
I’m so glad you posted this! With all the things Black men and women have gone through–and continue to go through–I don’t understand how someone would write such a divisive, hate-filled book. It makes me sad.
Before we address the topic, can we all admit that he’s just a horrible writer?
Now on to the topic, as a black male, I think I am pretty versed in what we call “man law”. I really think that his diatribe of Denzel Washington violates every man law in the book.
He is clearly in no position to comment on what black women need to do to get or keep a man because he makes it clear that he was left for another man. He is trying to use his own situation to highlight the issue of black female marriage-ability but it is completely appropriate.
I think this guy is trying to make money b/c he cant be serious
There is a certain irony in How Jimi works.
Its almost like hes oblivious to how he exhibits the kinds of Attention starved tactics of the Imaginary Archetypes he Structures in order to make yall angry.
Its So cartoonish Im tempted to just say treat him like an 8 yr old trying to goad you into a fight.
But its not MY identity being Drug into Cartoon land. So Ill just cosign the judgement and keep workin on MY book.
@my_level: “What would be the most productive way one could voice opinions on perceived shortcomings of another gender or is that always a silly thought in the first place?”
It’s a tricky thing to navigate the line between respectfully expressing personal/widely held views about the opposite gender and engaging in hateful woman or man bashing. So I’d say the best critcisms are framed with stated love and respect for the other part.
“Does it have something to do with an overuse of suggesting individual introspection?”
Who overused this suggestion? That’s a great thing to suggest and Izreal does it in places. But his every ‘introspective’ comment on himself was coupled with an excuse or some blame for Black women. The book was just hateful from top to bottom. Any good suggestions he makes are sullied by the apparent hatred of women, particularly Black ones.
You might not like what he had to say but he did speak his truth, as uncomfortable as it was to read. You’re lying to yourself if you think he’s the only black man, or one of only a few, who feel the same way. I respect his honesty.
Anne-Are you the current girlfriend or one of the pathetic women out there so desperate to be chosen that you’ll cosign any sexist BS a man says? There are plenty of valid criticisms that men can make about women. This book didn’t present those so much as it did unabashed woman hating. The refusal of so many women (Black, White and otherwise) to even REMOTELY consider feminist ideals leaves them open to be inable to see the sexism in this book.
I am very aware that Izreal is not the only person with these destructive ideas. That’s part of the reason I attacked his book. The other part had to do with women such as yourself who seem to confuse “it made me uncomfortable” with “OMG it must be true”.
Anne-I should have added, if you are actually a woman in the first place. For some reason, I’m not sold on that.
Oh I’m so glad you wrote on this book! I had been tempted to read it but did not feel like being incensed by his words. But now that I know what was between those covers, I can pass on it.
Can’t wait to read part two!
So. Effing. Disgusted.
There aren’t any more words than that. And I am willing to bet this book is going to be super popular what with SingleBlackLonelyWomanOpera being put on the national stage to be speculated and criticized from all angles.
Are there any good books out there about black relationships? I have been looking a lot but so far have found absolutely nothing.
It is really troubling that someone who says they divorced a hoodrat (and all the other monikers he used for her) would be in a position to tell anyone anything other than how to marry just that. It’s also troubling that he sounds like he actually believes he purchased this woman. He paid for her education and provided for her son (as a stepfather is supposed to), so how could she leave him? How dare she ask him to be a decent human being and share household chores when he should be free to lounge after work while she slaves away? He married her because he wanted to save her and her son. His job is over. He saved her; and thought if he paid enough, then he could control her. That was his mistake. What does that have to do with “why women can’t find good men?”
Also, what kind of person takes pride/joy in breaking the spirit of young girls? That’s what makes a good man? So that’s how he hopes someone talked to his mama? Does he kick puppies, too?
Great review, I love the new blog, you rock!
Ugh. I have run into many a Black “man” who claim to be the epitome of good Black manhood and who are completely perplexed when Black women fail to recognized them as such. 9 times out of 10, they are really just arrogant, misogynistic jackasses. For me, the mark of a good Black man is humility. Let ME be the one to tell you that you’re the shit – if in fact, you are.
It seems to be that whatever is troubling Black relationships is always and forever made the responsibility of Black women. This is a problem.
Thank you for braving this book, writing on it, and for keeping this conversation going!!
I know this book prompted me to ask if there is a successful woman in a relationship who has written about it. The only book that I could name was “Friends: A Love Story” by Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance, which they co-wrote together. It is really disconcerting to me that there are mainstream books pitched at Black women about how to get a man, and there is never a book by a woman who has been in and is in a good relationship.
Although I’m not always mad at Steve Harvey because he does hold Black men and women culpable, I don’t feel comfortable with a man always telling a woman what she needs to do, especially when I know many women who work hard, work on improving themselves, and try to be and look their best. Also, why should men reap the rewards on being relationship consultants when some of them just want to blame a black woman for sticking to an imposssible, fictional ideal as well?
I don’t consider myself a “pathetic woman” but thanks for degrading yourself by assuming that I must be. Nor am I a man though I’m sure your assumption that I might be was made with only positive implications. For someone who claims to be so upset with another for generalizing in what you consider to be a negative manner about a group with whom they have issue, you seem to do a pretty good job of that yourself in your multiple replies to me.
I am certain that the author does not consider himself sexist in the same way that I am sure that you do not consider yourself myopic and reactionary in your critique of his work. “How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.” Luke 6:42
Blogger, heal thyself.
Sounds like sour grapes to me. If a dude has the courage to call women out for their superficial and shallow double-standard bullshit, he’s a misogynist, he hates women, blah blah blah…or maybe he’s just tired of women trying to be men.
Gina and Tara, thanks!
I’m not merely appreciative of positive feedback, but it’s impossible for anyone to defend this book without defending decidedly anti-feminist rhetoric. As a feminist, I’m not compelled to put on kid gloves with this one. This book is cancerous.
Anne- points for “myopic”. You still fail, sorry. Your defense of this book, yourself and whatever else us weak like Jimi Izreal. Please hang up and try your call again. Bible quotes only work on Christians, I’d ask that you speak a language I know. I’m holding firm to my initial assesment of you and I’m not even sure you are a sister. Which makes me even less willing to engage your “defense” of what any self respecting woman of ANY race would see is pure, unadulterated woman hating. Heal YOURSELF. Anyone who doesn’t see the sexism in this book is an idiot, PERIOD. Or at least that’s my humble opinion.
Game Recognize Game- Sexist negroid, please. Take that shit to King.com where someone wants to hear it.
Yep, typical of a woman. Can’t handle it when the onus is rightfully on her for her hand in the situation.
Ugh Sister Toldja,
I wish to God that you didn’t give any type of publicity to this creature. Your blog is becoming hugely popular. Any review you give, good or bad will give publicity to that individual. But I digress. It’s your blog hon and I’m proud of you for sharing your voice. You do a fantastic job and I look forward to supporting your endeavors. We don’t see eye to eye on everything but I appreciate your voice which is much needed.
But back on topic, Black men like Jimi Izreal have a deep rooted hatred of black women but it is against his personal financial interest to publically make that proclamation outright. He has to use colorful words and analogies to disguise his distain. However you don’t need to read between the lines to discover the Jimi Izreal hates black women. It comes through clear as water in his writing and double standards for black women and black men. While he makes excuses for black men’s short comings, he blames black women for everything. If he can find a way to blame black women for the earthquake in Chile, I promise you he will. In his world, black women are responsible for the evil that goes on in the black community.
He is the type of damaged black man that ALL women should stay away from. I had the displeasure of reading his book and it was actually what I assumed it to be: A bunch of misogynist garbage from a damaged black man who is immature and has the inability to maintain healthy relationships with WOMEN. I would love to hear from Jimi’s TWO EX-Wives and ex girlfriend about what type of individual he was in the relationship. When you have been married and divorce multiple times, the problem is PROBABLY you. Anyone who is the product of divorce parents should get therapy before pursuing relationships. I’m keeping it real. We down play the damage divorce has on kids these days which is why we have folks with untreated psychiatric problems because they are in denial of their pain and possible abandonment issues.
Jimi is the type of damaged man who thinks that just because he is breathing oxygen and pays his bills; he is entitled to the best and brightest black woman. Um no sir. And also I believe from my observation and experiences that black women are loyal to a fault. I believe it’s our culture that we endure and stick it through until the very end. It usually takes an extreme case for most black women to leave their husbands. If two wives and a girlfriend decided to leave him, there must have been some pretty severe problems. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jimi Izreal was emotionally or physically abusive to his partners. He’s the type of man who believes that NO really means Yes because women want it even if they say No. Entitled bitter men are very dangerous. Many rapists are entitled bitter men. Yes folks, I went there. Can you feel my distain for his man yet? And for the record I have not met him but I’ve read several of his disgusting evil articles about black women from the Root which is originally why I stopped visiting that website. My conclusion as ST pointed out is that Jimi compares his feelings to how Pimps (people who exploits and sexually abuse women) treat women. If that doesn’t disgust/disturb you ladies I’m not sure what will.
ST I do disagree with you on one point. I don’t think Jimi is a victim at all but a spoiled rotten self centered man-child with unresolved mommy issues. In fact I believe he probably has victimized others as a result of his bitterness. Isn’t it funny he accusing himself of being a “bad judge of character” instead of the fact that he might actually be trash himself which is why he attracted a few unsavory women (allegedly)? We are only getting his side of the story. I pray that the women that use to date Jimi come forth and share their experiences with this misogynist.
I encourage black women to stop supporting garbage by people who wish to degrade your gender/ethnic group. Putting dollars in their pocket will not elevate you. Sadly many black women are going to read Jimi’s book and feel as though they are undeserving of love and respect. This man is like a Hitler to me planning genocide against the emotions and spirits of black women. ST please tell me you saved the receipt you can take his garbage book back. My hope is that this man doesn’t make any profit from his hatred.
I’m going to be fair and avoid talking about this jerk’s appearance. He looks…special. His inner bitterness has manifested in his outward appearance.
Ok, clearly school’s out and the chirrens are bored.
GRR: What hand? What situation? There is nothing helpful or groundbreaking about dude’s book. It’s the ramblings of a bitter, bitter man and should be taken with a grain a salt and a double shot of good vodka (the shot should come AFTER you toss the book in the fireplace). I’m tired of some bruhs and sistas basing their entire dating philosophies on the 3.5 losers they dated in their early 20s and passing it off as “advice.” Shit’s toxic and shouldn’t be tolerated.
Anne: Clearly you’re on that stuff, so I doubt there’s anything I could say that would change your mind, and I don’t know you to pity you.
ST: Thanks for bringing it. I think I’ve found a new candidate for the “Burn This Book” blog I’ve been neglecting.
ST
I would also add that Anne probably is a woman who is so desperate of male attention that she will jump on any black male bandwagon. Women like her hope that if they are agreeable then it will increase their chances of finding a mate. Also I love it when Christians pick and choose bible verses but ignore the rest. I’m a christian and I laugh at Anne’s attempt to school ST when the rest of her post is a snare against ST. I think I’m just going to call myself a Jesus follower because so many christian are ignorant and I can’t afford to make anyone lump me in small bus category. I call a spade a spade regardless of race/gender. I know several black men who read the book and are utterly disgusted by Jimi’s analysis (if you can call it that. It reads more like a bitter ass man’s diary on feeling rejected). Let’s say hypothetically that Jimi helped his ex-girlfriend and son out of the goodness of his heart (his cold black bitter heart) then why he is angry? When you help someone, there shouldn’t be conditions with that help. That is why people are left angry and bitter. If you want reciprocity from that help then make that clear. If he wanted to be paid back for tuition support then he should have signed a contract. If he was married to that woman, he is SUPPOSED to love, honor, and support his wife. That is why I’m against people playing roles that they don’t have. Women should not act like a wife to a man she is just dating or is just her boyfriend. That is how people get screwed over. If I’m your girlfriend, I am not loaning you money or doing anything a wife would do. My role is to be your girlfriend. If you want to transition from that role to get additional benefits, then there are additional responsibilities that come with that. If Jimi was smart and learned anything from his previous marriages (lol plural divorces I mean) then maybe he shouldn’t have paid for this woman’s education. Clearly he wanted to buy her so she could feel indebt for to him. If that’s the case his stupid bitter behind deserves it. Jimi’s new nick name is going to be Jimi bitter booty Izreal LMAO.
grg-Typical of a sexist to lean on weak gender stereotypes when trying to disempower a woman.
Muse- Thank you so much for your thoughts, esp considering that you are also familiar with the book and Jimi’s work. I certainly didn’t mean to validate his claim to victimhood, just point out the irony of him claiming that for himself. You are a brilliant lady and I am very appreciate of your commentary always! I’m glad to know I’m not alone here, but I think all the with-it folks got the picture.
The Way Of The ID- Thank you as well, I think you hit the nail on the head!
@Sister Toldja: I’ve been reading your blog for a while now; this is my first time commenting. I love your blog and ethos. Keep it coming, please!
In reference to the OP, I’m not surprised about the misogyny published in this book…not in the least. I used to read a website in the very early 00′s (this was in the pre-blog era) called Black Commentator. Mr. Izreal was one of the commentators. Even then, I could tell that he had mainly disdain, if not outright hatred, for Black women. I eventually stopped reading anything with his byline as it more often than not made me apoplectic. Based on your review of this…book…I see not much has changed.
@Omari: bell hooks did a three book series on love that was published in the early 00′s (All About Love: New Visions, Salvation: Black People and Love, and Communion: The Female Search for Love). As the title of Salvation: Black People and Love suggests, this book examines some of the major issues affecting relationships between Black men and women. What was really great is that hooks discusses these issues in a framework that takes into account the effects of racism and patriarchal conditioning (drug addiction, single parenthood/OOW births, decreased educational/employment opportunities, etc.). I found it to be very useful when I first read it.
In light of all the recent books by Black men about their ideas about what’s affecting Black relationships and their solutions (e.g. what’s wrong with Black women and what they need to do…lol!), I’ve decided to re-read bell hooks’ series. It’s been at least 7 years since I’ve read the series, and I’m pretty sure they’ll resonate with me differently (more strongly) based on my personal growth and experiences, and in light of the “Tragic Black Women Theater” currently being played out in the mainstream media. Please read these books and tell a friend to read them also!
Honestly, I can sum this book up in one sentence: A male version of Superhead’s Confessions of a Video Vixen.
It basically is an embittered individual using their own personal horrible experiences with the opposite sex to try and laud and unpack their own misanthropic points-of-view onto readers and dressing it up as “advice”. Let’s set aside the fact that the writing is shit, let’s ignore the fact that the guy is blatantly misogynistic, and let’s look at what’s really happening.
He’s obviously under the impression that a ‘good black man’ consists of a man who is willing to ‘save’ a woman from what he believes to be unfortunate circumstances. So fucking what you paid for her education and provided for her stepson? As her husband it was your duty to provide for your family. And if she decided to walk out on you, then why not evaluate what you might have done wrong? There’s two sides to every story, it’s just a shame that this pinheaded prick’s got published.
Thanks, America. Thanks for that. Really.
ST,
Your buddy Jimi posted a link to your blog on his fan page. See you are giving this guy unnecessary publicity!!!! Blah. As one of your observant commentators stated earlier, he LOVES the attention. It is promoting his book. I’m going to take a dump on some paper and try to get it published too.
Sasha-Yes girl! They were novels about NKOTB getting in to various silly scenarios on the road. Fiction, but based on their personalities (Jon’s shyness, Donnie’s rebellion, Danny’s fitness, Jordan being the hot boy and Joey being the baby…WHY DO I REMEMBER THIS???)
Everyone I didn’t acknowledge directly-Thanks for your thoughts!
L.Woods-Please tell me you are kidding about Black Expo….PLEASE!
Omari- I cosign TMA’s reccomendations of bell hooks “Love letter to the nation” series! I read them in college and need to revist them now. I’ve heard nice things about Hill Harper’s “The Conversation” but haven’t read it yet.
TMA- Thank you so much and I am gonna follow your lead and check those books out again as well! I will blog about it as well, they are beautifully written and much needed.
Aisha- *snaps fingers* Amen, girl. The fact that he takes NO BLAME for anything beyond being trusting or naive is just ridiculous.
Ouch! A stinging non-endorsement.
Yeah, he’s a silly one, but Seriously sista we have to be careful not to fall in the trap that I believe he is setting for us. Some men do things like this to make money, make a point public, or make fun of an issue that only they think is funny. The main reason is the one that we need to watch out for. Silly men like the this probably do silly things like this just to upset us. They know that they will get sista pissed off enough to where she will raise her voice, roll her neck, point her finger, turn up her nose, and show out. It is then, my sista, that they can attempt to argue their position that Black women are loud, confrontational, full of bad attitude, and whatever else that they claim. We should concentrate more on ourselves, our families, and our communities. Seriously sista…women can control men simply by controling ourselves.
These was a pleasure to read. Why is it that no one asks the happily married black men to right books of relationship advice ?
SisterToldja,
Such good stuff from you as always. Really. Seems you got much to be proud of these days- and Im glad for you.
On this topic- and its tangental- do you question (and i dont know his other work, or literary standing)how this makes it into print? Who greenlights a book like this? I mean, its such a mess, on more fronts than you probably wanna tackle- but why this book? Is there a target demo for this? Dudes who have zero swagger, resent all women, and have secret crushes on sexy over 50 black celebs? Isn’t that a rather slim niche market?
Be well.
Zach
Gosh… back in the day it was Gay Men jimi was having a pop at : http://www.thebrotherlove.com/journalogue/who_is_jimi_izrael_anyway.php
Doesn’t this wack job ever stop?
A man/woman who lumps all black women/men into a trough is a man/woman who is afraid to admit that his ego has lead him/her astray and that his/her soul is flawed.
With that being stated; Jimi is trying to sell books.
That’s what writers do. Especially when you are trying to build your career/earn your living as a writer and grustling hard to get your voice heard in a sea of a bajillion free lancers. What other way to get your name “in lights” than to have a sacrificial lamb?
When you write a book it has to make some kind of promise: to entertain, to drop dime/scandal, or to inform/teach. Or a hybrid of all three. Otherwise your book will be ranked 13,975,482 and will sell for $0.27 cent in about four days on Amazon.
As for the articles on black women I think its social engineering at best and could possibly be a stab stab kill kill indirect attack on the connected, inspirational, deep seated love and love story that Michelle and Barack have built with each other.
I don’t think its coincidence that black women are alone and will die alone articles are what’s hot in the blog streets and now Main Street USA. And although I have little time for conspiracies there is a Pine Fresh Scent lurking in the air of wanting to bruise the already wounded black women’s spirit. It’s almost like there’s a quiet intention of going in on sisters to let them know that Michelle O is one of the lucky few. And that yes maam you will either be the baby momma (bastards included) or the educated and childless woman who lives life with her two cats and a parakeet. Either way. The black man don’t want you and you will be alone.
But as my grandmother would say: Its not what you’re called its what you respond to. As women we have to learn how to stop letting our consent be manufactured.
As for Jimi; imma go ahead and say “Forgive them father for they know not what they do” and commit to not giving him my passion.
Jimi, Hill Harper and the author of B*tch is the New Black were on NPR’s “tell Me More.” Jimi was hateful. I’m curious if anyone is aware if Denzel Washington has sued Jimi was malicious use of his name and likeness.
The four were on a “black love” show last month.
As a young black male who happens to also be married to a wonderful sista I hear where you guys are coming from. I actually just finisehd reading Mr.Izrael’s book and I actually found some of it enlightening. I can’t say that I agree with EVERYTHING the brotha says but then again I don’t think that’s the point. I especially found the chapter on Terry McMillan insightful. That sista has been dogging black men for years in her novels and I haven’t seen many sistas challenge her on it. I get that a lot of his anger stems from Women who he feels let him down(i.e. His mother, grade school girlfriends, 2 ex-wives.) He’s writing from a dark, broken place. I don’t agree with his case against marriage and certainly I am a bit disturbed by the advice he plans on giving his daughter. And before anyone goes too easy on Oprah, let us not forget that many of her shows were about no good trifling men. That’s how she was able to get the audience she got. Most of audience is comprised of women. Jimi is right when he says that a lot of the media is very much anti black male. And if that was all you had to go on you’d think that every black male is dead or in jail and that none of us should even be considered viable partners. Everytime a relationship goes south the first question is always “What did He do wrong?” Are we always to blame for everything that goes wrong? I also agree with Mr. Izrael about women taking responsibility for the choices they make in terms of the men they choose to be with. You’d think that black men have all the problems and that sistas were flawless. I’m not pointing fingers here. Believe me there is plenty of blame to go around and black men and black women have to shoulder that blame equally. The problem is that black folk talk more about each other more often than they talk to each other. Perhaps if we did away with misconceptions across the board books such as this wouldn’t even get written. Maybe the brotha was fed up with all of the male bashing that goes on and decided to write a book from an alternative point of view. Like I said I don’t agree everything the brotha says but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t some truth in what he’s saying or that there are brothas in the world who share his feelings. A book should spark debate and dialogue. Perhaps revealing the pain is the first step to the healing that so desperately needs to take place. Peace, sis.
I would just ignore him. As another commenter mentioned earlier, he seems to just LOVE the negative, angry attention; he probably welcomes it because he thinks it will bring him publicity and help him sell more books. I have read a few black women bloggers who have written about his foolish commentary on The Root and he always replies to them on their blogs with the same stock, disingenuous, pseudo-polite answer:
“Hi, blogger name, thanks for reading my article, I’m a great fan.” (mind you, he’s probably never even read their blogs before.)
Then he says something like: “Calling a man a misogynist is just a woman’s way of blah, blah, blah.” It’s almost as though he just copies and pastes the same answer. I think he wants to rile black women up on purpose and I would just ignore him.
This is not just a rule for men, it’s a rule for adults. If you’ve had a bad breakup, don’t write a book dogging out your old partner. First, it’s just not classy behavior. Second, who is going to date someone who acts like that? Unhealthy people. So it’s a bad cycle.
after i read his article on Don Imus’s “nappy headed hoes” scandal I knew he was offensive. He slammed Oprah and the entire team for what… i dont even know
Doesn’t this Jimi Izrael go on the radio with Michele Martin? Why doesn’t she kick his sorry a$$?
Wow! Great blog and most of the comments are on point.
Jimi Izreal is misognyist idiot. I thought standards were rquired for a book on daing advice-SMDH!! Izreal yearns for to be black patriarch with all the dressing of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. Sadly, there are Black men, that will take this shit seriously. Great job, Sister Toldya on pen slapping this clown.
BTW, did anyone notice the spelling errors.