As most of you know, I am a fan of The Twitter. It’s been a great way for me to connect with readers, new and old, and a fun method of staying in touch with friends from home, college, etc. I’ve both made and strengthened key personal and professional connections. It provides a nice piece of escapism and reminds me a lot of the conversations I had at Howard. And, as a performer who is currently 9-5′ing it it, I enjoy the living theater of Twitter. I been detailing mi vida loca on this site for years and now people can see it in real time.

While I enjoy the Twitter, I have some pet peeves that have recently sucked a lot of the fun out of the whole thing. Please let Twitter be great, guys. I don’t want to quit it. I’m airing out my grievances, as I’m surely not the only one feeling them.

I am impatient and snippy about a lot of things. This is something I need to work on: being more tolerant of people’s little habits. In the meantime, can you change the way you do things to suit my needs? Namely, asking dumb questions. Remember when your 6th grade teacher told you there was no such thing as a dumb question? She lied. She just needed some evidence before she sent you to the remedial class.

“Great question! I do not know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, Billy. Why don’t you go ask the first graders? They’ve got pudding!“

Say @personA tweets “I love the new chicken restaurant in Fort Greene“. A reasonable response from @personB is “Ooh, what’s it called?” However, if @personA tweets “I love Mary’s Chicken in Fort Greene“, then @personB needs to go to WWW.GOOGLE.COM and find the address. People is not Google. Google is Google and they are good at it…ask Yahoo. Is your Google broke? Then ask Yahoo.

That was my inner emcee coming out, if you didn’t notice.

If you want to hop into a Twitter convo you are lacking info on, it’s fine to ask for a link of some sort. But it’s even more fine to try and consult Google or even the timeline of the person in question before demanding information. Would you say to someone in real life “I see you are in the middle of a heated debate. Can you stop and tell me what it’s all about, as I lack the resourcefulness to find out?” If so, it’s likely that your lack of social graces probably make you as annoying a friend as you are a Twitter follower. *Kanye shrug*

I personally abhor small talk. I love talking…when there is something to talk about. I don’t think most small talk is entertaining when you are engaging in it and I don’t find other folks small talk conversations to be any better. Thus, I would not say that I am a fan of small talk on Twitter. “Good morning“, “How’s it going?”, “What’s up”…do we need to do that online? It’s one thing, I suppose, to direct greetings to your whole ‘Twibe’. But I just don’t think the other people following me are interested in reading “I’m good. Just having a little coffee and crumpets as I braid my hair.” That was boring for me to type. Wasn’t it boring to read? If someone says “Fixing dinner and popping in a DVD“, is it necessary to say “So, staying in tonight?” Isn’t it a given? Why must you demand a boring response? Why must you kill the fun of the Twitter?

There is a false perception of closeness that seems to be pervasive on Twitter. It’s totally understandable: you spend a good amount of time communicating with someone, you hear about their life, you commiserate, you bond. The two hours I spent glued to my computer awaiting news about Michael Jackson’s health and learning of his death are something I will never forget. I wasn’t with my mother or my best friend that day, I was “with” Twitter. Beyond such watershed moments, I have bonded greatly with folks from Twitter. I’ve made real-life connections and friendships, one of which I think will soon translate in to some life-changing, future-building tangible stuff. And I have communicated with people from different backgrounds and locales in ways that I would not have been able to do otherwise.

However, if your relationship with someone hasn’t reached beyond @ signs, then you need to respect that. You can’t approach a Twitter friend with the same expectations or demands for attention that you do your real life peeps. If you want to build something further, be it platonic, romantic or strictly business, then perhaps try reaching out beyond the timeline.

Be mindful: Twitter isn’t MySpace or Black Planet…or is it? Is that what’s next? While many of us were on those sites in the past and now regard ourselves too cool for them (I’ve long said that MySpace is the proverbial ‘hood from which my blog grew up and now acts too uppity to return to), I can’t imagine why Twitter (or Facebook, while we’re at it) would need to become yet another site for weak macking and pandering for the attention of people who we’d never have the chutzpah to step to in real life. Again, relationship can be found anywhere. But be reminded that it isn’t the reason for the Twitter season. And please keep the Mob Wars, pillow fights and whatever else coolness forsaken applications to yourself.

My parents are the most important people in my life. There are occasions when they call me and I hit the ignore button and call them later. They are aware of this and though it sometimes annoys them, they continue to love me (and give me the ignore treatment themselves from time to time). Now, I am grateful to anyone who takes the time to read the things I say online. And I appreciate anyone who shares their thoughts on something I’ve Tweeted. I read every response. However, I am unable to respond to every reply I get. It may be that three or four people have said the same thing and I can cover all of them in one reply. Or you may be asking me to clarify or restate something that I’ve already addressed as best I can. I may have gotten in to a one on one battle with another tweeter and simply can’t lose traction on my train of thought. I might be on the phone, or with friends or just away from Twitter. It may be that I just don’t have a response worth typing. Don’t take it personal, seriously.

I have plans to document both my shenanigans and my “cause” work in print and on the screen. Thus, I have worked to create an audience. I am both humbled by and grateful for the number of people who have taken an interest in my life and my thoughts for the past few years. And while my online writing is both cathartic and therapeutic for me, I work to entertain, amuse, incite, enlighten and provoke my audience. I put thought into what I tweet, for the most part, and I think I’ve managed to develop the follower base I have because of that. I try to engage or acknowledge everyone who speaks to me, even if I can’t do it every time they do. No shade, but if you need someone to respond to everything you say, I may not be the one to follow.

Whooosah! I feel better already. Undoubtedly, someone is now unfollowing me for being a self-aggrandizing bad Twitter person meanie-mo. But I ain’t for everyone, y’all knew that. As a contestant on Top Model once said “This ain’t called ‘America’s Next Top Best Friend‘”. You may do some of the stuff I named and still be a super awesome Twitter friend-in-the-head to me or to someone else. Hell, I know I’m guilty of Tweeting too much sometimes. But, um, can you please just stop the bad stuff? If not for me, then for me. Thanks.