Hey, kids! Miss me? Sorry I’ve been ghost, but I spent the last four days in New York. I’ll definitely say it was an eye-opening trip. I’d been to NYC before, but never Brooklyn and Harlem. The feeling I got in those places was the same that I got when I first visted Howard University as high school junior: “This is where I’m supposed to be”. That said, I’m trying to move to Brooklyn in September 2007. I’ll leave it at that, ’cause I’d hate to harp on my relocation plans, and then read this three years later and be like “Fuck! I’m STILL in DC!!!”. Or worse, still just outside of DC….
The craziness was at a minimum, by my standards. I’ve had far nuttier things happen to me in DC. But there were a few notable moments:
-The driver on the Peter Pan bus we took to the city was a jolly Indian guy who announced in a thick accent that his name was Benjamin, but “we could call him Ben, but not Bin Laden”. That shit cracked me up. He then told a long joke about the Presidential Thanksgiving turkey being a Democrat…..I didn’t get it, but I was still laughing about the name thing.
-As we left one of the clubs we went to in Manhattan, a handsome-yet clearly drunk- guy kept staring at me.
Sister Toldja: Why do you keep looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?
Drunk Hottie: Yeah. C’mere, let me show you.
I walk up to this fool, like a fool myself, thinking he was gonna kiss me on the cheek or something. Why did this strange man lick my face? And why did I decide (after screaming “THAT MAN LICKED MY MOTHERFUCKING FAAAAACE!!!!” at the top of my lungs) that he was still worth flirting with? Shit, he was cute. It took me a second to realize that he was probably tripping the light fantastic and was too high to make a move.
-While in a clothing store in Harlem, a man approached me with a cute little girl in a stroller. When he saw me admire the child, he asked “do you want to buy a baby pitbull?” Before I could admonish him for calling his seed a dog, I realized he had an actual baby pitbull in the storage section of the stroller. That little girl was tougher than me, ’cause I would have died of a heart attack if I had a dog sitting under me at her age.
-On the way back, I took the Chinatown bus. The driver sang along with Lauryn Hill on “Killing Me Softly”. He knew the hook and everything.
-When I took the train to my car, I saw a 40 year old Middle Eastern man carrying a poster for the new Young Jeezy CD that he had obviously ripped down from somewhere. Guess he’s a big fan.
That is all. None too exciting, but a good time regardless. Oh, and I did read a wonderful article about my boo, Lionel Richie, in this month’s GQ. Check it out if you get a chance. The make-up artist went really heavy on the bronzer, making me fall out of love just a tad. But just imagine my baby cutting that curl and settling with a nice fade. We could be new.
Like fine wine!!!!
“Hello”,
Sister Toldja
PS- We went to four clubs, and the music sucked at each one. There are 14-year-old white girls in Klanstown, IN who could rock the house better. New York DJs: Remove Mr. Carter’s left testicle from your throat and start spinning some of the music that made your city the epicenter of all things Hip-Hop in the first place. Or at least some shit from the 90s. Or, if you’re gonna draw the crowd with a box of Payola crayons, get a box of 64, not eight. And don’t listen to what anyone else tells you: most Dirty South Rap SUCKSSSS!!!!
LMAO!!!! I can’t help but to comment on each story,Good luck moving to Harlem, I’ve never been, don’t think I would want to, but I’m just a small town girl from Oklahoma, what do you expect!
Thanks, but I’m trying to move to Brooklyn! If you do decide to move to the big city, I suggest you start in DC. Baby steps.
I’m so loving your blog. YOu are so funny.
I realized he had an actual baby pitbull in the storage section of the stroller. That little girl was tougher than me, ’cause I would have died of a heart attack if I had a dog sitting under me at her age.
lmBFFAO stop it you killin me if your in nyc hit up Perks or nostaglia i prolly spelt that wrong
hunni brooklyn is a trip but betta then the bronx but nuthing better then harlem
If you are moving to Brooklyn get here before it’s all gentrified.GO HU!!